One
Photo courtesy Soul Photography
Hung out at the library today and found myself with a copy of Parenting An Only Child, which spoke to me in so many ways. Why? Because things are good for me now. I’m a mom with a personal life, a social life, and a sex life — it took me FOUR years to get me back and I’d like to coast and enjoy myself for a bit, if not forever.
From the book:
It is well documented that with each added child marital relations become less ideal.
“People romanticize siblings; they think siblings will love each other. As a therapist I see more siblings who hate each other than siblings who love each other,” reports Dr. Sandra Leiblum, psychologist and professor of clinical psychiatry at the Robert Woods Johnson Medical School in New Jersey.
When children of working parents were asked what they want from their parents, they replied they did not want more time with their parents, but rather parents who were less stressed and less exhausted from their jobs. They wanted their parents to focus on them and give them their undivided attention. Not so easily accomplished when you have several children and work long hours.
“You have more mobility with one. You can take him to other people’s homes for the weekend. If you have more, the honest hostess says, ‘Oh my God, they’re coming with the children.’ The polite hostess grits her teeth and stashes the breakables.”
“Nobody tells you that the hardest thing about having a new baby is kicking the old baby out of the nest of your heart… As much as it saddens me, the truth is that my heart did not simply ‘expand’ to accommodate my second child.”
“my heart did not simply ‘expand’ to accommodate my second child.” Exactly how I felt when Kate came along, and even a long while after. Thanks for sharing!
the last paragraph of the quote definitely struck a chord within me.. i was taken aback at how emotionally tough it was.. still is, actually.. but we did it mostly for Lucas.. i just hope they don’t grow up hating each other, LOL!
hey, so does that mean u r cool with just one? haha, i’m used to being hammered for being ok with one. now, its mostly becos the most impt people in my life, being j and dh, both didn’t want another addition. and i sure as hxxx, didn;t want to be stuck with struggling with two kids and crying to bed every night with them. i know some people will silently think how selfish that wil make the only child. that i bother considering what my first child thinks abt having a sibling. but most parents actually have a second or third one becos of the first child. they feel that an only child will be so lonely… so isn’t that consideration valid? that u should ask if the first one actually wants a sibling! he or she may not know better but the parents should consider if they have so much time and love to give and share.. of course, if the bundles of blessings have already fallen into the laps of the parents, just embrace the joy and blessings :)
I like the current setup, definitely! :)
Re. asking: As an only child for seven years, if you’d asked me at four (when I first discovered Sound of Music), I’d have wanted the whole Von Trapp family too! But at seven when I heard I was going to have a brother, my first reaction was sorrow…
haha, ya. most of the rest of us r simply too young to realise what we are having. i was two when my brother was born and i had a miserable childhood being tortured by him. of course, it got better as he grew older and we r both more matured. but the childhood was quite terrible…hehe.